Rebel with an Occasional Cause

I am a loner. And it’s not really because I grew up on the far west end of an island that was practically deserted nine months out of every year. Although that might have contributed. I am a loner because I am also a rebel with an occasional cause…or maybe it’s the other way around?

Growing up in the newly desegregated south I rebelled against the idiocy of racism. When my parents moved me to a private school (I have always harbored a suspicious feeling that it was to remove me from the influence of my black friends in public school), I rebelled against the superficiality of the super-rich kids I was surrounded by. In fact, even though I did not grow up poor, I have always identified more with the poor and huddled than with the rich and cuddled. When I became a borne again Christian I rebelled against the clubby and pious attitudes of the holier than thou crowd. While in law school I rebelled against the heat seekers who always arrived to class with the shiny red apple of ambitious aspiration. And when I was engaged in the actual practice of the profession, I rebelled against every aspect of it…probably why I didn’t last very long. I rebelled against the idea that I couldn’t be an investment banker because I didn’t go to the right schools…so I started my own firm. When my marriage was falling apart, I rebelled against the idea that to save it I had to do things her way. And when I became immersed in a culture very foreign to my own, I rebelled against my own.

A loner’s life of rebellion…that’s an apt description of my life. But here’s the paradox I face…maybe you as well, if, like me, you are a rebellious loner. I am a loner with change the world aspiration. And it’s damn hard to change the world all by yourself.

It’s damn hard to change the world all by yourself.

All of sudden I find myself at age 52 in a new world. One where making an impact actually seems possible. Seth Godin likes to call this new world the connection age. I think that is a good description.

It once was easier for loners. The factory floor was an easy place to escape to. Just do your job…take care of responsibilities. Dream about changing the world (that’s what we loners do a lot of), but cling to the comfortable excuse that it really isn’t possible.

But now it is.

In the connection age, one changes the world by, well, connecting…right? If there is one thing that has held me back more than any other, it is my reluctance to connect. Because, I am a loner. Loners don’t naturally thrive in a connection oriented environment, be it a social function, or a social network.

In the connection age, one changes the world by, well, connecting…right?

But I’m learning. I am a loner who loves adventure. And there’s a degree of adventurous danger in being vulnerable…in putting “it” out there. Actually, I have been doing that for the past five years. No one has really noticed, but I’ve got a lot of dirty laundry airing in cyberspace this very moment. Probably enough to land me on a CIA watch-list…if anyone at Langley cared to notice. After that statement, things could change a bit, eh?

There’s nothing inherently wrong with being a loner. I believe loners have the potential to be great writers because we tend to be deep thinkers…a perk of spending a lot of time away from the social noise. But in order for our thoughts to gain any traction, we have to first, get them out of our heads and then second, be willing to be vulnerable by sharing them.

That is the battle I am facing right now. The connection age makes it easier for me (us)…but it’s still a battle, or a rebellion…this time against myself.

So, take a deep breath, now sigh and push…publish…