Isn’t it true that we loathe asking for help? On the flip side, we generally don’t like being asked either, now do we?
Why is that?
I believe it’s because we tend to equate the act of asking for help with some form of weakness, or helplessness. We are conditioned by our American Judeo-Christian upbringing to cling to the notion that “god helps those who help themselves.” That kind of puts it all on him (god) and let’s the rest of us off the hook, doesn’t it?
We are also conditioned by our rugged individualism, the sine qua non of the American “can-do” spirit, to never ask for help and to look down upon, or judge, those who do.
But, whether we want to admit it or not, we all ask for help, routinely, in one way or another.
Even if you’re a super successful business person, like, say, Donald Trump, (I know his “success” is arguable, but just put that aside for a moment), you routinely ask for help. Donald has sought help from banks and investors, the essential capitalistic act of using other people’s money to achieve one’s dreams. He sought help from the American legal system when he was unable to pay back those loans and had to declare bankruptcy, multiple times. He now seeks help in the form of the required votes to carry him to victory in the 2016 presidential election. And, like many billionaires, he asks you and me for help in picking up the tax bill he refuses to pay with his purported billions.
A business owner who asks for your patronage is, in a real sense, asking for “help.” Maybe not in the quid pro quo received in exchange for your buck, but the act of patronage itself, when there are so many other options you could choose instead, is certainly a form of help.
Recently I launched a GoFundMe campaign. Doing so was met with much trepidation on my part. I was very anxious about being judged about asking for help, actually feeling shameful for doing so.
We really shouldn’t feel ashamed about asking for help. It’s an essential human act of connection. It connects us with others. It sparks feelings of gratitude on the part of the helper and the helped. Gratitude for the opportunity to have a positive impact on a fellow human, gratitude for the feeling of being cared for, and of not being alone in this sometimes harsh world. Gratitude is a positive human emotion, one of the best actually.
Why is it that we are much more prone to give help to causes (or people) removed from us than we are to those who are closer to us in some intimate way? Same goes with asking for help. We feel much more stressed and shameful about asking a family member or friend for help, than we do about asking strangers. I know I do.
In the Latino community family is everything. My Colombian wife is a good example as she will literally give the shoes off her feet (and she really loves her shoes) if anyone in her family is in need…without a moment’s hesitation. And it doesn’t matter to her what impact that act might have on her own well-being. She is really a wonderful lady in that regard. One of the many reasons I love her so dearly.
But Americans, at least from my perspective, are often more reticent to relinquish “hard-earned” property to help a family member, or a friend. Maybe that’s because the idea of private property ownership is much more fundamental to the American sense of well-being than it is in Latin America.
Nevertheless, asking for help, as well as giving it, connects us as humans. I believe that’s a very positive thing. Despite what Ayn Rand might say, altruism connects individuals and a connected society is a more stable, successful and fulfilled one than the alternative, where each individual functions as an island to him or herself. The idea being to accumulate as much on one’s island as possible, while erecting signs that warn others against trespassing for favors.
The truth is no one’s an island. It really does take a village.
Bottom line: We all need help and we all ask for help…in different ways.
I believe that asking for help should not be viewed as a shameful act.
And I believe that giving it should be viewed as a wonderful opportunity to make an impact.
Asking for and giving help is a win win proposition. It provides verification for the existence of the Big US.
These crowdsourcing platforms that are now available provide wonderful opportunities to ask for help…from friends and family, as well as complete strangers…and to give it. In that regard, I view them as platforms of connection and impact. Pretty cool stuff!
You can check out my campaign by clicking the widget below…
and no, I’m not ashamed for asking…
Recently I launched my Crowdsource Campaign, dubbed Looking for Light in a Dark Tunnel. That’s perhaps too gloomy a metaphor for the state of my life right now. Even though it feels like a “tunnel”, I know it really isn’t at all. There’s plenty of light all around me. I’m surrounded by the natural beauty of Costa Rica and by the unconditional love of friends and family. I am imbued with a strong sense of direction and determination. I’m motivated. I’m taking action. The results will come. The pot will boil.
If you’d consider helping me by turning the heat up a little, please check out my Campaign Widget below.
I’ll be writing about my progress in the coming weeks and months. I hope that my story can be an inspiration that might help you simmer with joy as you patiently wait for your pot to boil.
Check out the rewards section to see my various expressions of gratitude for your gracious gift of light.